Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
