is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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