The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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