She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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