This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We had sex on a dog bed..
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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