We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize