Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
