and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
