We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
