he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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