We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
