I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
