what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
