Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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