Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
