i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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