Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize