Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Everyone says I win the strip club
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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