I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just high enough for therapy.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
