I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize