She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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