I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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