I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
