i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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