The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
