What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
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