You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
