Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
