She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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