it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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