I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
