I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
