about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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