The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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