thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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