we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
