high people should be assigned attendants
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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