what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
