My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dicks are not precious.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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