i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
