did you get engaged???
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Holy sore nipples Batman
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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