Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
