Moan for me like Helen Keller
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
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