You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You pole danced in your parka.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
