Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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