her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
What a dumb baby whore.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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