I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
