he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
