so that wasnt chicken after all
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
