Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
