Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
