i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
