his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
