Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My ass is underappreciated
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
