I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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