Its about making memories worth repressing
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
