FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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