The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize