Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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