I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
