It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I need a burrito and a hug.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
