Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
