Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
