I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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