when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
