Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
