I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We're too hungover to prance.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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