Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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